Just messing around with some of my favorite toys. Here’s a trio of bootleg ALIENS figures from Mexico. I love these things so much! That is, I love them the same way I love The Three Stooges. So here, let’s just call this messed up set of Kenner Scorpion ALIENS Larry, Moe and Curly (or is it Shemp?) and check ’em out a little closer… Larry, on the left is blessed with an alternate arm. At some point, either in the factory where these things are made or else when, he acquired an elbowless robotic arm. It’s a good match either way and appropriate for this guy. Moe, in the middle, demonstrates such color contrasts with his blue torso and red head and limbs, he’s definitely going to stand out in any crowd. Finally, Curly/Shemp is simply just lurid green without any compromises. Loss of detail, production artifacts, abundant amounts of demolding flashings and other anomalies just makes them beautiful, I say.

Much like their namesakes, these three bootleg guys are ludicrous and hilarious. The joyous, gloriously stupid fun of it all combined with slapstick production values makes them entertaining. Entertaining, that is, in the very same special slapstick way old The Three Stooges episodes still bemuse audiences today.

But wait! The laughable, head scratching and uncompromisingly bad production values of these toys don’t end there. Turning these things around reveals the true gravity of the cheapness of these tawdry items. Notice anything missing? Well, yeah. It’s kind of obvious absolutely everything is missing. Gone are all the details normally present on the back, including the weird tubular things normally appearing on either side of the spine. Mind you, the spine itself is also gone – as is any feature normally found on the back. Instead, a large gaping cavity appears on each of these cheap-ass unlicenced toys.

This complete lack of detail may have a practical purpose. Rather than any technical reason that may be argued, the manufacturer has simply reduced production costs by minimising the amount of material needed for each figure. Did I say “cheap-ass”? Who needs details on the back, anyway? In space no one cares, right?

These unapologetic recast (and then recast; and recast again; and again…) things are intended as toys for children. At least I think they are. Nonetheless, the degraded finer details along with these massive cavities on these bootleg toys adds to their facepalm presentation. Their imperfection is what makes them perfect. Perfect, that is, for all the wrong reasons. I love ’em! I love you Mexico for producing this wild nonsense. These are the best! I can’t get enough of it.

-windebieste.